Monday, July 30, 2007

Reasons we are suss on Kevin Andrews


Sorry, we would like to tell you, really we would but the information is protected, top-secret, hush-hush. Boy oh boy if we could tell, you'd understand immediately why suspicions have been raised in our minds about an association between Minister Andrews & a vague and fuzzy group of baddies. Foreign baddies to boot.
Let's just say that pretty much everything this guy has done or will ever do only serves to heighten rather than lessen our suspicions.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

One trick ponies? Good Lordy, no!

We have two tricks.

A couple of months back the enterprising team at Capital Ideas decided to put John Howard's Integrity on eBay.
Alas you are not permitted to sell something that DOESN'T EXIST so after two days of feverish bidding eBay pulled the item.
We then went public with this disturbing & conclusive evidence that our leader was wandering around with a complete lack of integrity (read press release on myspace blog here).
Such a pity. We really were looking forward to making a quick buck and, judging by the attention the listing got, there's a strong demand for political integrity in this country.

Howard's Integrity as seen on eBay!

Here are some inquiries made on the eBay listing by potential buyers:

Q: I was wondering how you got him south of the border? Must be some illegal entrants seeking refuge who plan to depart Melbourne Airport for a more reasonable open democracy? ( spiller888)

A: Fortunately this country has an abundance of cages capable of holding even the very small (& our product is EXTREMELY small) so we have been able to keep the integrity locked away. As for refugees – sorry we have none for sale today – It is difficult to find a mint condition refugee as they are generally damaged or destroyed soon after arrival. ( Capitalideas2007)

Q: This item, if it exists, seems priceless. I imagine George Dubbla (sic) could buy anything. What hope has an ordinary person like me against his interests? ( Thisplace59)

A: Fear not! While you are not alone in coveting this item, we are expecting bids from people who already have a little integrity of their own and wish to expand their collections. George W is not such a person. Furthermore he has never shown the slightest bit of interest in preserving Howard's Integrity and we do not expect him to start now.( Capitalideas2007)

Q: Will I save on shipping costs if I also take Tony Abbott's dignity when purchasing with you? Wait I can't find that item anymore…..( adam_foran)

A: Unfortunately DNA tests confirmed that the dignity was NOT Tony Abbott's. However, fetching samples of his nuttiness have yet to be aborted. ( Capitalideas2007)

Q: Postage? Ha! Can I keep the microscope it was viewed in for authenticity? ( Tobler.1)

A: Sorry, industrial grade microscope too large for shipment. ( Capitalideas2007)

Q: How do you respond to allegations that Johnny's integrity sank off the coast of Australia during the Tampa Crisis? ( AustraliansRus)

A: What kind of Prime Minister would throw their integrity overboard? We don't want people like THAT in this country. ( Capitalideas2007)

Q: Are you allowed to sell something that doesn't exist? ( AustraliansRus)

A: Good question( Capitalideas2007)

You see? We are so much more than just cumrags...brace yourself for bigger sparklier trickiness coming soon .x

Saturday, July 21, 2007

We love children too... just not in that way

Capital Ideas loves kids too. See?:
It's just that we don't think the best way to protect them is to send in the military, probe their private parts, vilify their parents & nick their land. That's all.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Things to do today:

1. Explore the divine Mary G's blog on her myspace page

- not reading Mary G's blog is like not brushing your teeth. Beware cavity of the soul!

That about covers it for today, kids.

So, in summation: today you should read Mary G's myspace blog.

thank you.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Evidence that hot men like a good cumrag

exhibit A

exhibit B

exhibit C

exhibit D

A satisfied customer. & we didn't pay him for the pics, honest. Not that we're above such things... M.T. how much for some shots sans-shirt? They'd be sophisticated arty shots, naturally. For personal use only...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

You may already be a terrorist! ask us how...

Dream of becoming a terrorist but don't have time for years of rigorous training in an Al Qaeda boot camp? Intrigued by the explosive terrorism lifestyle but feel held back by your pacifist beliefs? Fret not! Capital Ideas has the answer for you! We firmly believe that everybody has the potential to be labelled a terrorist - it's just about tapping into that potential and the good news is - it's easy!
In fact - you may already be a terrorist.
Have you ever given a sim-card to an acquaintance? How about a notepad? A pen? Think carefully now: have you ever given a pen to anybody?
So long as that pen finds its way into the possession of a terrorist suspect (& the list of suspects is expanding exponentially by the day) then you will have achieved your goal of being seen to aid a terrorist organisation.
Capital Ideas predict that within five years all Australians will be involved in terrorism under it's current definition (except perhaps for Costello who is careful to never give anything to anyone).
So don't delay! Be 'reckless' - give a pen to a stranger today!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

We're not frigid! Come behind the shelter shed & we'll prove it

Capital Ideas Fluffer Women were undercover on the weekend (then a little later undercovers, then a little later still rolling around with covers twisted around us - but we digress).
We were having a low-key evening of propaganda spreading - handing out cumrags with quiet winks rather than rah-rah bum-flicking shazam antics. This gave us the chance to stop for a little chit-chat with the rag receivers & we've got to tell you - the experience really got us thinking.
For starters the ingenious uses some of you have found for your cumrags have us thrilled to the tippytoes.
Frank - after seeing you leaning against the bar with a cumrag as a bib I think we would all like to marry you - perhaps in five year shifts over our lifetimes? Possibly not the most romantic proposal ever but we have to get in quick before some other hussies push in front.
The gentleman who really revved our engines though, peered so closely at his rag he had us suspecting he was a chromer trying to get a wiff of toxic paint goodness. Eventually he said -"you spelled it wrong," pointing at the word 'cum'. Then he grinned in a way that made us conclude the paint fumes had been effective.
"What, do you girls go around hugging trees and stuff? Do you chain yourselves to trees?"
"Well,Lordy, that sounds a little uncomfortable doesn't it?" was our response.
It should be noted that the only things Capital Ideas Fluffer Women have ever been tied to are bed-posts & more often than not we'd rather be the tie-ers than the tie-ees. Being chained up just seems a little restrictive & not so much fun.
"& chilly - it's a bit too cold to be sitting around chained to a tree," said our sassy newest recruit, "though perhaps if we set it on fire, for warmth, then it wouldn't be so bad."
Now this is just the kind of lateral thinking that the Capital Ideas team adore. We do though have a vague inkling that torching vegetation mightn't go down so well amongst the real tree-chaining experts so we've decided it's best we steer clear of such antics. We have all the respect in the world for those prepared to endure hardship for their cause but we'd rather not, ta.
Now here's the question: Because we'd prefer to look for alternate ways to protest - ways that are fun & preferably involve wigs & short-shorts- does this make us frigid? Are we piss-weak activists languishing impotently at second base while all the hard-core activists have finished dry-rooting & are getting down to the real deal? Call us hedonistic (do! do!) but we'd rather pash than bash for our cause.
So, people, is it necessary to suffer to show you care?

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Saving the world needn't cost you your health

Many people believe that saving the world will take a toll on their mental & physical well-being. Not so! It all depends how you go about it. Capital Ideas recommends basic warm-up exercises before any bout of world-saving. If you observe this easy to follow measure there's no reason a little crusading can't be incorporated into your day to day routine.

Below two Capital Ideas Fluffer Women demonstrate a basic stretch before taking to the streets to distribute Howard Cumrags & sow the seeds of dissent. Or at least soak up the seeds of dissent.

Yes! try this at home

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

& then there was blog




Cumrags Comrades!