The official alternative to the Melbourne Cup seeing as all the horses are sick
Section 8 Bar - Tattersals lane, next to Shanghai Dumpling
Be sure not to miss the most exciting sporting/social event of the year!
Australia's top racing snails will battle it out in a race to the death! Only the winner will survive - the rest will be squished & fed to a chook.
Julie 'Aussie Jules' Dunk will do a dance!
Musos will muse!
The barbie will burn & the snails will achieve death or glory.
Plus we'll have a big screen so you can watch the horsies sneeze around the track, if you're into that kind of thing... (& provided we can get reception - otherwise we'll have the radio on & will illustrate the excitement through the powerful art of interpretive dance)
The stables are bristling with talented molluscs, we've got:
Rudd, Howard, Dick Smith, Ned Kelly, Steve Irwin, The Stingray, Slim Dusty, Cathy Freeman, Bob Brown, Ben Cousins, Moonface, Delta, Pauline Hanson, David Oldfield, Allan Jones, Kamal, Rupert Murdoch, Bindi Irwin, The ghost of Crazy John, Kylie Minogue, Kyle Sandilands, Lindy Chaimberlain, The Dingo, & John So.
Snails can be purchased for $5 a pop with all profits going to the Aussie Jules campaign. The winning steed will be presented to its new owner along with a nifty trophy.
Entertainment kicks off at midday with the race being held at 2:30 sharp. Get there on time as it promises to be a lightning swift event.
Ladies & gents wear your finest fascinators please as there will be an award for best dressed.
B.Y.O. snags. Escargot will be provided.
To reserve a snail contact firstname.lastname@example.org