Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Pace of Change in Australia: a Snail Race

The official alternative to the Melbourne Cup seeing as all the horses are sick

from midday
Section 8 Bar - Tattersals lane, next to Shanghai Dumpling

Be sure not to miss the most exciting sporting/social event of the year!
Australia's top racing snails will battle it out in a race to the death! Only the winner will survive - the rest will be squished & fed to a chook.

Julie 'Aussie Jules' Dunk will do a dance!
Musos will muse!
The barbie will burn & the snails will achieve death or glory.
Plus we'll have a big screen so you can watch the horsies sneeze around the track, if you're into that kind of thing... (& provided we can get reception - otherwise we'll have the radio on & will illustrate the excitement through the powerful art of interpretive dance)

The stables are bristling with talented molluscs, we've got:

Rudd, Howard, Dick Smith, Ned Kelly, Steve Irwin, The Stingray, Slim Dusty, Cathy Freeman, Bob Brown, Ben Cousins, Moonface, Delta, Pauline Hanson, David Oldfield, Allan Jones, Kamal, Rupert Murdoch, Bindi Irwin, The ghost of Crazy John, Kylie Minogue, Kyle Sandilands, Lindy Chaimberlain, The Dingo, & John So.

Snails can be purchased for $5 a pop with all profits going to the Aussie Jules campaign. The winning steed will be presented to its new owner along with a nifty trophy.

Entertainment kicks off at midday with the race being held at 2:30 sharp. Get there on time as it promises to be a lightning swift event.

Ladies & gents wear your finest fascinators please as there will be an award for best dressed.

B.Y.O. snags. Escargot will be provided.

To reserve a snail contact capitalideas2007@gmail.com


George Darroch said...

I'm rushing down to the TAB to place my bets.

mary said...

Reserve a snail for me - i'll be there

George Darroch said...

As trainer, do you have any inside knowledge that would help me beat the bookies?

doublem said...

Snails willl be SQUISHED and fed to a chook?! What will the animal activists have to say about THAT?! I can't believe that Jules will let this happen....tell me it's not true

Capital Ideas Australia said...

George, the race winners turned out to be quite a surprise with Rudd nowhere near the lead, nor Howard nor even Costello.
Top honours went to Lindy Chaimberlain in race 1, John Williamson in race 2 (followed closely by Bindi Irwin though Steve Irwin carried her most of the way)& the Ghost of Crazy John taking out race 3.

Go figure.

doublem said...

What was the ultimate fate of the snails?

doublem said...

Capital Ideas - where ARE you?